I first found out that I was pregnant somewhere during my 8th week of pregnancy. Mainly because I had been trying and wasn't successful, I stopped tracking my cycle and just gave up on the idea of getting pregnant. I started bleeding lightly on Thursday evening and then it stopped a few hours later. Friday I went to work and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I felt a little queasy, but given the circumstances, I didn't feel the need to rush to the doctor. Saturday morning I woke up to more blood and hot flashes, but still I didn't go to the doctor. Saturday I spent lying around with the windows open because it was cool outside. Saturday night I went to the E.R. because the blood hadn't stopped and I was scared. When they did the ultrasound the doctor turned the screen away from me and my boyfriend was the only comfort in the room.
Unfortunately, the look on his face when he saw the ultrasound wasn't comforting. The doctor was polite and apologized for making us wait so long, but in the end there was nothing to be done. The baby had made it's exit to wherever unborn babies go. I think to heaven. The weeks that followed were very difficult. A D&C was performed a week later, because all of the surgeons in the city were either on vacation or sick. I ended up with a cyst on my ovary because the hormones in my body didn't fall quickly enough and I had to have it surgically removed 4 weeks out and was hospitalized a third time due to severe abdominal pain.
Through it all my boyfriend stayed by my side and took care of me when I was too weak to take care of myself. He cooked, cleaned, visited me in the hospital put cool clothes on my neck when I thought I couldn't stand being sick anymore. I think he suffered more than me, at times, because he remembers things that I was fortunate enough not to remember, due to hospital drugs or sleep. He said repeatedly that it was his fault and he wished that I had never gotten pregnant. I know that he still suffers today four months out. The one thing I tell him is this: Life is a gift, a precious gift and sometimes you can plan things and they all go right. Other times, you plan things and they go wrong, or not at all, and you get frustrated or confused. In the end we are all human beings who unfortunately don't have complete control over what happens in our lives. If god wants to take our baby home before he or she is born, we can't control that. What we can control is how we react to that circumstance.
If you are a boyfriend or husband out there who has lost a baby, the one thing I want to say to you is that it's not your fault. I have so many girlfriends who have lost babies that it's astounding that any child is born. They all have children now. I am still hoping for one, but this information gives me hope that one day we'll have one, too. Don't give up hope. Don't stop trying because you think you are at fault. In 95% of the cases, the doctors simply don't know what happened. I think children are such a precious gift to parents. Don't throw up your hands and give up at the first loss. It's so common that even the doctors don't say much about it. Read online, educate yourself , mourn your loss and move on. Don't sacrifice what could be for something that you've lost.
