Men and Miscarriage

I first found out that I was pregnant somewhere during my 8th week of pregnancy.  Mainly because I had been trying and wasn't successful, I stopped tracking my cycle and just gave up on the idea of  getting pregnant.  I started bleeding lightly on Thursday evening and then it stopped a few hours later.  Friday I went to work and nothing out of the ordinary happened.  I felt a little queasy, but given the circumstances, I didn't feel the need to rush to the doctor.  Saturday morning I woke up to more blood and hot flashes, but still I didn't go to the doctor.  Saturday I spent lying around with the windows open because it was cool outside.  Saturday night I went to the E.R. because the blood hadn't stopped and I was scared.  When they did the ultrasound the doctor turned the screen away from me and my boyfriend was the only comfort in the room. 
Unfortunately, the look on his face when he saw the ultrasound wasn't comforting.  The doctor was  polite and apologized for making us wait so long, but in the end there was nothing to be done.   The baby had made it's exit to wherever unborn babies go.  I think to heaven.  The weeks that followed were very difficult. A D&C was performed a week later, because all of the surgeons in the city were either on vacation or sick.  I ended up with a cyst on my ovary because the hormones in my body didn't fall quickly enough and I had to have it surgically removed 4 weeks out and was hospitalized a third time due to severe abdominal pain. 
Through it all my boyfriend stayed by my side and took care of me when I was too weak to take care of myself.  He cooked, cleaned, visited me in the hospital put cool clothes on my neck when I thought I couldn't stand being sick anymore.  I think he suffered more than me, at  times, because he remembers things that I was fortunate enough not to remember, due to hospital drugs or sleep.   He said repeatedly that it was his fault and he wished that I had never gotten pregnant.  I know that he still suffers today four months out.  The one thing I tell him is this:  Life is a gift, a precious gift and sometimes you can plan things and they all go right.  Other times, you plan things and they go wrong, or not at all, and you get frustrated or confused.  In the end we are all human beings who unfortunately don't have complete control over what happens in our lives.  If god wants to take our baby home before he or she is born, we can't control that.  What we can control is how we react to that circumstance. 
If you are a boyfriend or husband out there who has lost a baby, the one thing I want to say to you is that it's not your fault.  I have so many girlfriends who have lost babies that it's astounding that any child is born.  They all have children now.  I am still hoping for one, but this information gives me hope that one day we'll have one, too.  Don't give up hope.  Don't stop trying because you think you are at fault.  In 95% of the cases, the doctors simply don't know what happened.  I think children are such a precious gift to parents. Don't throw up your hands and give up at the first loss.  It's so common that even the doctors don't say much about it.  Read online, educate yourself , mourn your loss and move on.  Don't sacrifice what could be for something that you've lost.

Technology

Can I complain for a minute about how much trouble technology is sometimes?  I do realize that Skype, Gmail and Facebook make living abroad bearable but once you forget your password, or worse when your account is hacked your life very quickly becomes a nightmare of question and answer sessions.  Oh, and god forbid that you forget what your security question is or the answer to one of the questions.  Then there is the issue of that wonderful foreign language, because it's impossible to live in a country and not speak it's native language, or so Google thinks.  Even if you're proficient in the language having to read in it and figure out exactly what they want on top of being stressed about forgetting all of the questions and answers being asked of you is just craziness in a glass jar. 
I do so hope no one goes through this often.  Technology is so nice to have when it works.

Elections in the U.S.

Watching the election coverage from outside the United States has definately been interesting for me.  Now that there is a little distance of body and soul, I can see more clearly the mud slinging, he-said, she-said nonsense occuring in the media.  I'm actually waiting for there to be an explosion somewhere, unless the elections happen soon, or the candidates learn how to take our nations issues seriously and stop trying to rob women of the rights they fought so hard for.  What government in a civilized nation can hold hearings on women's issues, but not allow even one woman to be present?  That's my first question.  Second question, why are we talking about this, when we have so many unemployed and Marines murdering innocent people in a foreign country that we are supposed to be supporting while they form a democratic government?  I think before we can truly lead the world in a democratic, peaceful way, we must first learn what these things mean, and more importantly, how to do things in our own country.  This begins with choosing a candidate who proves himself of herself worthy.  Unfortunately, so far I have only seen that in one man and I hope he wins re-election.

Dresden, Germany

I first came to Dresden as a study abroad student in the summer of  2007.  It was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life and I made a few great friends.  I went home, finished studying and moved back to Dresden.  I've lived here, for the most part, since February of 2009 and I have to say that it really is an amazing city.  It's full of history, art and beautiful buildings.  I think one of the reasons that I fell in love with it is that, although it's a city of more than half a million people, it operates more like a small town.  Whether that's good or bad, I'm not sure. It reminds me of all of the medium sized cities in the States, except that the public transportation system is a lot better here.  The trains and buses run every ten minutes during the weekdays and even if you find you've stayed out too late and had one too many there's always a way to get home safely without having to drive yourself.

You may ask, then, what's not to love?  One thing is the number of people who speak English.  There is definitely a lack of that here.  The people who were born here were taught Russian in school, although most of them can't speak it now.  More importantly, they don't really want to speak English because they don't think that they need it.  There also seems to be a very low tolerance for other cultures.  If you speak English in public, you generally get a curious look from people around you.  The only places to go when you need a little respite from the daily German lifestyle are in Neustadt and most of them aren't open late. 

The consolation prize is the beautiful city itself.  If you take the time to get to know her, there is no doubt that you will love her.  The people who came to Dresden thousands of years ago were amazed by the beauty of the Elbe and built a royal community here.  The royal palaces and homes that still stand along the Elbe are breath-taking.  So, although the people of Dresden aren't the friendliest it's still a great city to live in and enjoy.

While the World Watched

I just finished reading  While the World Watched by Carolyn Maull McKinstry.  If you haven't read this book you should go buy a copy today.  I can't imagine living through the bombing of my church.  What the KKK did back on September 15, 1963 and throughout the 1950's and 60's was inexcusable.  They sought to frighten a group of people into submission and did not care if other people died in the process.  The thought that anyone, regardless of the color of their skin, should be dominated by another group of people is absurd.  The fact that these people bound together and fought for their rights as American citizens gives proof of their courage.  At the end of the book, Mrs. McKinstry  writes that she is hopeful for the future.  I'm optimistic because I know all of the hatred that still exist in the South.  Slavery was abolished many, many years ago and it seems to me that the South is still more or less segregated.  Why can't we teach our children to judge people on who and what they are and not what color their skin is?  I can only hope that in the next 40 to 50 years that people's attitudes will change and the world will become a better place.

Rest in peace Dr. Martin Luther King

Politics and the U.S.

I just finished reading That used to be us.  It's a book about everything that's wrong with the american system at the moment.  I think it's a great time to read this book, whether you agree with everything that is said in the book or not.  We, as a country, are at a point where a drastic change must occur.  I know that I'm not alone when I say that I'm fed up with all of the "he said, she said" crap that goes on amoung our political leaders.  Why are they so caught up in slinging accusations at one another and not focused on leading our country. 
There are a couple of things in the book that really struck a cord with me.  One is that a large majority of politicians in the U.S. say that global warming doesn't exist.  Really?  That's why the weather isn't changing so drastically, right?  They need a reality check.  But even if they don't believe it exist, that's no excuse to continue to pump oil from a country that would just as soon see us destroyed as become one of our allies.  We need a renewable, clean source of energy to become independent from these countries.  What would our military do without oil?  We would be crippled, what's more is that Iraq, Iran and all of the other Arab nations know this. 
Secondly, whoever thought that all of those baby boomers could retire and we could pay for it while cutting taxes and not go into debt was completely wrong.  We are more in debt now than at any point in our history.  Japan is also faced with the same problem, but they are raising taxes in order to keep from ending up like Greece.  Why can't the U.S. do this?  Sure, I don't want higher taxes either, but if it keeps China from owning every American company, and me from having to learn Chinese, then I will pay them. 
What I would really love to see happen is both parties stop throwing mud at each other and sit down to seriously discuss the issues that face the U.S. right now.  We have to improve the situation, or our children will grow up in a completely different country than the one we grew up in.

Visiting home

The week before Thanksgiving I flew to Florida to visit my cousin, who I haven't seen in 3 years and to eat a little Thanksgiving goodness.  We went to the beach, so we could soak up some warm Florida sunshine and so I could squish sand between my toes and laugh about how good it felt to be back in the States after being away for over 6 months.  I then proceeded to make the rounds through the pan-handle of Florida, south Alabama and Birmingham before flying back to my home away from home in Dresden, Germany.  I worked very hard at trying to convince a few friends that there is a lot to see in Dresden and that they should make the hop across the pond as soon as possible.  Hopefully, all of that smooth talking that I did will pay off in the near future. 
In short, the flight was long, the food on the plane was as bad as it's ever been and people were generally cranky and in a hurry, but the feeling of being enveloped in warm hugs from family and friends was absolutely priceless.  For all of those who haven't been home yet, I hope you have the opportunity to go home for the holidays and enjoy the company of your loved ones and friends.
May you have an uneventful trip and a very warm welcome home.  Merry Christmas season to you all!